life – Inspiratsiookean

banana bread

i keep making banana breadbecause i am faced withfree bananas at workso i bring one homeand enter a cycleof forgetting it in my bagremember, then forget it againuntil they feel neglectedthere’s three of them by nowi would never waste foodbut there’s no patience or faiththat i can make something betterso i make banana breadand getContinue reading “banana bread”

time management

my goal for this yearis to stop timefrom managing meit will pass anywayfirst, my smartwatch brokeand the effort to fix it, againwas just not worth the timeso i escaped, after yearsmy data-driven lifestylei stopped counting stepslost track of my phoneand of course, the timesecond, the WiFi-connected smart ovenshedding light on timewas replaced with a relicthatContinue reading “time management”

part 1: potatoes

i met my very firstlove at first sightat a potato festivalin rural Estoniai might have been 12if you’re reading this, Tõnisthat’s all i rememberHi, I’m Benedikteand this is the beginningof everything that came after youi can’t tell you muchabout what was my childhoodi was too busy overregulatingbut my broken lovelifestarted at around 14and it literallyContinue reading “part 1: potatoes”

dusty contemplations

aren’t we actually to blamefor our most immortal enemydustbeing an issuein the first placewe, humans, as a speciescollectively decidedto inhabit the indoorshave you ever seen dustin the forest, by the sea?i don’t recallor maybe as revengeit wiped my memoryas i wiped it off the windowsillwe trapped ourselvesbetween these four wallswith the same layoutthe same programContinue reading “dusty contemplations”

spring breeze

feeling like my spaceis decreasing once morewithout consideringi haven’t brought myself outsidei could hold a dance classon my balcony if onlyit was 15 degrees warmeryet the only ray of springthat has touched my faceis the reading-mode yellowmaking me forgetto see all the beautyC could never show mebut my vacation startedit’s illegal to work next weekIContinue reading “spring breeze”

three

my grandmother askedlast autumnit’ll be a year soon, right?where does the dust come fromand where does time go?or money,which let’s be honestis why I came hereshamelessly scraping it togetherit’s time to take stockand analyse whymy bank account is empty,but my heart is endlessly fullin the breeze of the approaching Mother Tongue DayI practise my mother’sContinue reading “three”

kolm

mu vanaema küsiseelmine sügisvarsti saab aasta täis, eks?kust tuleb tolmja kuhu kaob aeg?või raha,mida olgem ausadtulingi ju siiaalatult kokku kraapimaon aeg teha kokkuvõtteidja analüüsida, miksmu pangakonto on tühi,aga süda on ääretult täissaabuva Emakeelepäeva tuulesharjutan oma ema keeltja välistan korrakskõik need sisserändajadkellega samastun enimkolme aasta jooksulolen kartnud olla üksiaga hoidnud omaenda kätt kui lennuk kodulinna maandumisrajaligaContinue reading “kolm”

the inevitable

i feel like i’m fightingthe worst version of myselfin-between these four wallsi have just begun to call my homehow an awfully stubbornunbendable point of viewwith the tiniest glimpse of hopelost in a pile of desperationwhere nobody listensbut everything saidis wrong, harmful, stupidfor once, my patternof packing up and moving awayto the other side of theContinue reading “the inevitable”

out of bounds

how many beats per minutedoes it take to turn off the white noiseof my thoughts racingon logs down the cliffhow many stopoversdo i need to make it throughthe next 2 months of winterwithout feeling the heat of the sunthrough the automatic blindsof a building designedto extinguish all fire in my heartthat could remind meof myContinue reading “out of bounds”

a man’s world

squeezing into 24 hour cycleswhen each and every dayof my 28 is completely differentand after the 24th spinit apparently just gets worsewith every new full moonmore unpredictable, more unhingedas if the biological clock ismaking sure i rememberanother one wastedyou know, a lot of womenfind meaning in raising childrenas told by mento every childless beingas I’mContinue reading “a man’s world”