this year i'm turning 5
my life started when the pandemic shut everyone else's down
happy birthday?
we were forced to stay inside
never go out, never meet up
but i'd been locked up for the past 22 years
so i had to plan my escape
some say that you reinvent yourself every 12 years
get a cold shower, break habits, cut ties
but i'm known to be an overachiever
i do it every 5
2015 i became an entrepreneur
i never was the cool kid in high school
but i whipped up an ice cream company
and that's the definition of cool
peer pressured myself into university
to study computers i'd never care about
write text as code for machines
as if they'd ever understand my puns
maybe i was moving in the right direction
but completely flopped with the choice of audience
did you know that i've been blogging for 10 years?
it all started with the ice cream
but i grinded on with the machines
convinced myself that maybe one day
i would enjoy what i'm doing
besides the insane money it brought in
i earned what my parents do, combined
but they were happy
i tried to excuse every industry i worked for
i'm making the streets safer
by adding cameras to freight vehicles
and to be honest, seeing buses without mirrors
still makes me proud today
but sparking all the good engineers
and hiring people as commodities
could never convince me to stay
so i changed countries: Norway
i tried to make the products safer
by applying myself to testing
but i could not fight the abstraction
of not knowing which keyboard or vibrator
this piece of not potato chip ended up
at least for once i was not alone in the quest
but my work was literally turned off
the day i left
and then ended up at the deep end
of how far one can fall
if they don't follow their moral compass
ladies and gentlemen, oil and gas
i managed for a year
to live alone in my 100m2 apartment
and save enough money
to keep my head above water
after that job had robbed me of my sanity
read this now: well-done
i wrote this on my way to visit a dear friend
a month after i resigned
a month before i fell apart
and couldn't recognize myself
in the ditch of burnout and depression
what i hate the most is the memory loss
the short-term where even with a gun to my head
i couldn't tell you what i did yesterday
and the long-term where no money in my account
would dig up the last things i did at work
that's why i can't apply to software jobs
for years i've defined myself as that job
so if you ask me who i am
i can't tell you
because i don't know anymore
but finally after those 5 years
i am free
Inspiratsiookean 